


Facing the Past

by rhodoniteowl



Series: The Hole Story [2]
Category: Dorohedoro
Genre: Alcohol, Explicit Sexual Content, First Time, Identity Issues, Intercrural Sex, M/M, Memory Related, Past Relationship(s), Post-Canon, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-12
Updated: 2020-07-12
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:41:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25216396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rhodoniteowl/pseuds/rhodoniteowl
Summary: Kaiman settles into his new life, and thinks about his past ones, as well as his current boyfriend.
Relationships: Aikawa/Risu (Dorohedoro), Kaiman/Risu (Dorohedoro)
Series: The Hole Story [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1826875
Comments: 6
Kudos: 91





	Facing the Past

**Author's Note:**

> this is half retelling of and half sequel to [saving face](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24766807) and i really recommend reading that one first! we're well past the manga epilogue now..... hahahaaa this one was supposed to be SHORTER........ there's so much more left in me but this was getting kinda bloated and i had to cut myself off, so, more for next time!
> 
> cw: spoilers for the whole manga again! alcohol mentions, memory flashes, and explicit sex scenes. kaiman can't say dick but i can.
> 
> and still follow me @rhodoniteowl for MEANWHILE, RISU...

After everything is over and done with, it takes Kaiman a long time to relax. Not on the surface, so much; he's grinning easily behind his mask and waving to the Hole regulars pretty swiftly. It helps that none of the details of that day are clear, or widely agreed upon. Some people swear that somebody who looked just like him saved them all, while others are convinced that he doomed them. But the actual connection to Kaiman is never fully confirmed, and the rumors breed faster than the roaches in Hole.

And so, his reward is that he gets to return to his old life, and pretend as much as he can that nothing is different. In a way, it's exactly what he's always been good at. There's still a tension, a rope only just given enough slack at the last moment before it snapped, still creaking with the strain inside of him. But it's day by day, it's feeling less stretched. Maybe the strands are even being repaired.

He starts working at the Hungry Bug, scrubbing dishes and lugging things around so that Nikaido can focus on table turnover. He and Nikaido still cut people up, but it's only the poorly thought out attempts at robbery. Magicians seem to be keeping to themselves much more these days. 

For whatever reason. He certainly wouldn't know anything about that, if asked. Those rumors were stupid anyway!

The lack of sorcerers is just on the streets, though. The Bug is known as a sort of nomansland, where everyone is welcome (so long as they pay, of course). Kawajiri and a seeming parade of devils whose names he can't remember certainly solidify the feeling.

And, for whatever reason, Risu seems to keep finding excuses to hang around, looking more at ease in the restaurant that he has in a long time. Until he doesn't.

Kaiman takes his mask off to eat a meal after closing time, and Risu stiffens in his seat and stares the whole time. Alright, well, maybe it's the surprise. Maybe if he sees it more often, he'll get used to it. Kaiman starts taking it off even to eat gyoza, which he rarely bothered with. But Risu's gaze always lingers on his face, around his eyes, like he's checking for red lines. They're both lucky that Kaiman is practiced at ignoring strange looks.

These ones are similar, but not quite the same, as the ones Risu used to give a maskless Aikawa.

He shouldn't, technically, be able to compare. But for whatever reason, fate has seen fit to leave him with the memories of his past selves. However inconvenient that might be for both of them. Kaiman finds himself fighting off flashes of somebody’s old life whenever he’s around Risu, and it leaves him unsure how to treat him, or even feel about it.

* * *

The first time he took off his mask around Risu was also the first time he tossed a wrapped sandwich at the back of his head, its siblings cradled in the crook of his arm. Along with at least three cans of soda. Risu was probably lucky that he didn't swing a cold can at his skull instead.

"Here. Eat up." Aikawa drawls as he leans against the railing along the edge of the roof.

Legs slotted through the bars next to him, Risu snarls up at him without getting up as he scoops the package off of the cement, picking at the plastic wrapping. "Didn't need to get me anything." He glances over, pupils traveling along Aikawa's mask, before he tears the packaging open and takes a bite. He mumbles around a stuffed cheek, like a rodent. "I had enough for breakfast."

It's rare, but Aikawa lets out a genuine laugh as he unlatches the clasps on his mask. " _Three_ meals a day, if you wanna keep your weight up." And be useful to the Crosseyes, Aikawa doesn't say, because he doesn't want to remind him. It’d motivate him, but Aikawa wishes that it didn’t. The hours when his partner's not on a mission and is instead hanging around the school, waiting for his next one, are the hours that Aikawa likes best, and that goes for both of them.

Risu rolls his eyes, and then they're immediately fixed on Aikawa's face again. Almost like he's studying him while he can. He's still tearing into the meal, though. The preprepared sandwich vanishes in less than a minute, Risu gasping and snatching for a soda to wash it down as Aikawa still bites at his, almost dainty in comparison. It's not a word that would usually apply to him.

"Thanks." Risu mutters, crumpling the plastic wrapper in his fist and chucking it towards Aikawa's head. It flies past his ear by a scant inch or so, but that's still a miss.

"You'll have to do better than that!" Another laugh, but it's softer than the ones directed at the canteen cooks or thugs who miss him with their attacks more regularly. As soon as the food is gone, Aikawa pulls the mask back over his face.

With or without the mask, Risu still flings things at him during or after their shared meals. It’s a habit that follows both of them even into the Hungry Bug. There's always a speck of sauce flicked from the end of his chopsticks or just a chucked bowl of chopped onions between his eyes.

At least he's only broken one so far, bouncing it off of Kaiman's face onto the tiles to shatter and scatter tiny green rings across the floor. Nikaido just sighed and smiled and took it out of his paycheck. But still, he doesn't understand what had been so wrong about pointing out that Risu looks kind of cute with one side of his mouth stuffed with too much food.

* * *

Risu had always somehow given off an aura that told people he was an easy mark. The opposite of Kaiman, and Aikawa before him. Despite his height, something made him stand out to bullies and muggers. Maybe the fact that he was a loner, and even as big as he is, a single target is easier than two.

Maybe that was why Aikawa had preferred to lurk behind him. Lure out the idiots and punish them accordingly.

Even on supply runs for the Crosseyes, he'd made a habit of trailing him, slipping a knife between the ribs of anybody else who did the same too obviously. Not that Risu ever noticed him, or any of the others, who followed him through the streets. Dealing with them early meant that when a job went bad and Risu got cornered, at least those odds were a little more even. Generally Aikawa only had to show himself were when they were _both_ taken by surprise. 

But it's different now! Or at least, it's supposed to be.

Even without being in a gang, Risu still manages to get into trouble. Sometimes, having heard that the Bug is safe for magicians, a customer will come in, see the crosses on his eyes, and immediately turn around. Nikaido always laughs it off, but he can tell that it gets under both of their skin.

One time, some of the Hole residents take issue with his tattoos, glaring at him the entire time that they're eating and muttering amongst themselves in the booth. They leave before any of the crew clock out, but some hidden instinct inside of Kaiman -- the part that maps out the exits of every location he walks into -- tells him that they're waiting around the corner, probably in an alley just outside. Probably the one to the left, it's a bit further and won't implicate them as easily. The neighborhood watch has been cracking down on things like this lately.

There's a series of clinks as Risu drops some coins on the counter, chatting with Nikaido. Something about the balance of sugar to vinegar in the sauce recently, and how of course he wants it more bitter. Kaiman isn't listening, focused on counting the seconds and trying to remember the surrounding street layout.

The bell rings as the door closes behind Risu, and Kaiman signals to his boss that he'll be right back. Nikaido tilts her head a few degrees to the side and frowns, but nods back at him, giving him permission. He manages to grab the door before it swings shut and jingles the bell again.

"Hey, you were one of _those_ guys, weren't you?"

He can only see Risu's back, but that tenses up into a brick wall as he straightens to his full height. "I'd ask what you mean, but you're pretty obvious. Yeah, so what?"

It's just like being back in school (he thinks). Kaiman remembers the flash of sunlight on metal; knives and fancy rings. This time it's streetlamps flickering off of nails stuck into bats and brass knuckles, but the feeling it sparks is the same.

He has to get over there. Somebody is threatening his partner, and he has to slice them up. It's like migratory birds or sunflowers turning towards the light. A force of nature that he can barely understand, much less control. He just _has_ to.

But then, all of a sudden, he doesn't have to. 

There's a cloud of smoke, and where four men had been standing, instead there's one floating as three twitch and writhe on the ground. Risu simply grunts as the chains retract and wrap around his chest and waist. One of the attempted attackers shrieks when a spike yanks out of his gut and returns to Risu’s pocket. As gravity slowly affects him again, his sneakers hit the blacktop and he shakes his arms out, the extra hands falling off of his wrists like ash. But, spotting Kaiman, his sharp grin fades into a scowl.

"Ugh. I _told_ you already, I can defend myself." He spits, then turns away and stalks off down the street.

Kaiman doesn't have a reply for that, so he just watches Risu's back retreat before he turns around and lets himself back into the Bug. 

* * *

On the other hand, Kaiman's own defenses seem to vanish when he's around him.

"Idiot." Suddenly, Risu is scrambling over towards him, wrapping his hand around the back of his neck to hold him steady as he kisses the front of his snout.

He chokes on the reply forming in the base of his throat and freezes, staring awkwardly as Risu kisses the mouth he has now. "Sorry -- I can't really do that anymore..."

"Is that why?" There's a dull reverberation in his ribcage when Risu drops his weight onto his chest. "Is that the only reason why?"

"Well, I couldn't just start kissing you like everything was the same!" Risu still won't look at him. Was it the wrong thing to say again? Did he-- 

"Idiot. I'm mad that you didn't."

The hesitation within him crumbles, and Kaiman lets his hands fall onto Risu’s back. Something in him tells him to rub the dip between Risu’s shoulderblades, softly. 

"I thought that it was too different. You know... I’m too different." He'd thought that the staring was to be expected, really. He'd been trying not to take it too personally.

The next thing Risu says takes him even more by surprise. "You don’t have to be exactly the same person to be my partner.”

 _Even if I could, would I want to be?_ Kaiman thinks, before he can stop himself. Be the same person, of course, he can't imagine not wanting to be partners.

* * *

"It's not like we're real partners." Risu huffs, turning away from him, the tin can letting out a hollow noise as it dents under his fingertips. "Or else we'd be getting ready, right? Blue Night's coming up, and you can't even _agree_ to make a contract with me."

Aikawa wants to roll his eyes, to rib him for the insecurity, but something tells him that now isn't the time. Instead, he scrubs at his face with the back of his hand, sighing mightily. "I don't care about any of that stuff. What's so special about a weird floating house, anyway?" 

Still looking anywhere but at him, Risu mumbles grudgingly. "I dunno, I haven't done it, have I! It's supposed to make it... More real, or something."

That word again. Aikawa has been trying to learn his way around the magic realm, but it keeps throwing all these unwritten rules at him when he least expects it. " _Everybody_ knows that we're partners."

"Exactly! They know, but they don't believe it!"

"Okay." Aikawa unlatches his mask, so that Risu can see how seriously he's taking this. He can’t see how intense he looks when his eyebrows come down like this, but he’s been informed. "So what've I gotta do to make _you_ believe it?"

Risu's hackles are up, like a feral cat, still clutching his beer in one hand. "I believe it! Of course I do! I'm just-- I'm still-- I'm still useless, even going to school." His other hand joins the one holding the beer, and Aikawa nearly drowns in the urge to reach over and grab one of them. "I can't make any smoke at all. Even _you_ could do better than me for a partner. What do you get out of this?"

"... You're my friend. What else does there need to be?" It sounds ridiculous, tastes saccharine even on his own tongue. But it's still the truth. He knows that loyalty is at a premium in this and every realm, but never for an instant has he wondered whether partners meant having each others' backs. That's really all it has to be. And if Aikawa can do anything about it, Risu is never going to have to understand just how precious, how fragile, it is to have even one other person in this world.

His train of thought gets derailed by a crumpled, empty can bouncing off of his forehead. The first time he's managed to make impact.

"You fucking idiot." Suddenly, Risu has scrambled over towards him, wrapping his hand around the back of his neck to hold him steady as he kisses him.

Aikawa's brain stops dead, cogs spinning uselessly without any caught teeth. There's one moment, feeling like an eternity, where he gets to try to kiss him back. 

But apparently, the sudden shift did few favors to Risu's stomach, and then he's yanking himself away to shove his torso out the window and spew bile down the wall. Aikawa blinks, staring after him for a moment, before crossing his arms. 

"What! Do I taste _that_ bad?"

Risu just groans wetly in response, and it sounds like somebody had been passing by at street level, because there's a distant shout. "Gross, man! That's what toilets are for!"

"Fuck you." Risu croaks, and Aikawa laughs, even though isn't sure who it's at. Possibly himself.

Looking back, Kaiman’s not sure either. But he's not sure about Aikawa's feelings in a lot of these moments. He can remember them, but never tell whether they’re truly memories or his own thoughts overlapping.

* * *

Blue Night comes and comes and goes, without any changes to the status of their partnership. Officially, at least. 

Aikawa stays over, like he has before. Despite having been an investment to make his apartment a possible safehouse for other Crosseyes, the futon tucked under his bed is pretty much exclusively for Aikawa, they both know by now. But it still gets abandoned partway through the night when he clambers up the foot or so onto Risu’s mattress, pressing against his back and throwing an arm over his waist.

Risu startles in the way that says he hadn’t been asleep, just trying or pretending, and Aikawa feels a little better about tossing and turning himself for however many hours. “Hey. Sorry. You awake?”

"You know I’m not. Jackass." An impatient exhale. "Go back to your side."

He doesn’t feel the early throbs of a headache, and it's reckless, but he decides that this is permission enough from the universe. His body is his own for the time being. "But you’re warm!" Aikawa buries his nose against the back of Risu’s neck, breathing him in, unable to help his smile. "And my partner." His first Blue Night as a real magic user, and he gets to spend it with Risu.

Risu snorts, but doesn't pull away from him. "Great. I got a partner with cold feet."

A frown against the top of Risu’s shoulders. "You mean my _feet_ feet?” To clarify, he presses the soles of said feet against the back of Risu’s thighs.

"Aaaaugh! _Yes_ , those!"

Aikawa snorts as he tucks the offending appendages away, hooking his knee over Risu’s own as he bends it, folding around him. "... 'Kay. Just don’t imply that I’d ditch you at the dark altar."

"You would." Risu says immediately, with no concern for diplomacy. "You can’t even commit to showing up for class, forget about for me!"

Frowning invisibly in the darkness, Aikawa yanks Risu's shoulder down to plant him on his back, rolling on top of him to cage him in with his arms. "Hey. Risu." 

He can hear Risu swallow his own spit, staring up at him in the gloom with wide eyes and furrowed brows, definitely awake now. "Yeah? What is it?"

A palm, tender along Risu's cheek. "You’re the only guy I put my cold feet on, okay?"

It works, at least somewhat. Risu’s face cracks into a grin, and he reaches up to slap Aikawa's face lightly as he laughs. "Idiot. Bastard. Jerk. I know, alright? It just sucks. Nobody really knows except for you and me."

"I dunno if you _do_ really know." He leans down to kiss him, realizing only as he does that it’s the first time he's been the one to initiate. Whether or not it’s because Risu realizes that as well, he goes tense beneath him before melting completely, slinging his arms up to wrap them around Aikawa’s neck.

It’s selfish, but there’s a part of him that just wants to be normal partners, on a normal Blue Night, as much as he fusses and denies it. He denies it because he understands Risu’s ache to be real all too well; it’s just about existing, instead of their relationship.

But really, what’s the difference? Risu is the only thing that’s really, truly his. Everything else belongs to the other him. And when he's with his partner, he feels not just like a real sorcerer, but a real person as well. Maybe they can’t go to that stupid floating house, but they still have each other, and it’s real to them. Risu’s mouth tastes like sleep and cheap beer, and somehow that tastes better than a meal when he’s starving. 

"Idiot," Risu finally mumbles against the front of his teeth.

Aikawa freezes and pulls away, pushing himself up onto his elbows. "... Want me to go back to my side?"

"Idiot." Repeating himself, Risu grabs the back of his head and tugs him back down. "Making me wait."

"Oh." He allows himself a smile, even if that makes it more difficult for Risu to tongue at him. He hadn't realized that Risu was waiting, too. "Hey, man, how am I supposed to know what you want? You never tell me!"

Risu shoves at his shoulders and pushes Aikawa off him with a scowl, but before he can take it as a change of mind, he finds white knuckles wrapped around both of his wrists. Tightly at first to keep him in place, then loosening to be gentle.

"Fine. I'll just show you, then." And guides one hand towards his mouth. Aikawa almost wishes he had the mask to hide behind as he watches Risu nibble at his fingertips with broken teeth. The other hand is pulled to the zipper at the front of his jumpsuit, lightly, barely holding him there as a suggestion. 

Aikawa yanks the pull down so fast that Risu loses the grip on his wrist.

When he wakes up it's due to the sunlight in his eyes, and he rolls onto his back squinting up for curtains or blinds that aren’t there. His limbs are still tangled with Risu’s and his head still doesn’t hurt. For one brief moment, he actually lets himself believe that everything will be alright.

Nobody else seems to notice any kind of difference. However, while he’s not sure if he’s imagining it, Aikawa thinks that he catches Risu sitting a little closer whenever they’re on their own.

* * *

The first time Aikawa took Risu on a proper date, it was completely impromptu. 

There are plenty of places that he goes without Risu, but there are few places they go without each other. It makes sense, by his own skewed internal math. He probably should have been prepared. There was going to be _some_ point where he took his mask off in public.

Strolling down the street, not quite arm in arm but not far off either, Aikawa helps himself to an entire leg of meat from the butcher’s stall. In order to enjoy his spoils, he tucks the mask under his elbow, ignoring Risu’s barbs as he gnaws. 

Until the host at the entrance to a restaurant flags them down. Well, _him_. Somebody who looks like Aikawa. The host is chatty, way too chatty, gushing about how it's been so long since he graced them with his presence.

Aikawa deals with it as calmly and efficiently as he always does. A glare downwards and a slightly aggressive pat on Risu's back and they're ushered through and away from the man taking reservations, which apparently he doesn't need. 

Unfortunately, the servers are hardly better. One waitress croons that his guest this time is new, and Risu gives her a look that could make devils tremble.

As soon as she's gone, Risu is scooting over in the booth to whisper at him. "So what was that about?" Risu hisses at him, but the way he's leaning against him and still watching her retreat feels more conspiratorial than accusatory. Like they're partners in crime. Getting away with something together, the two of them against the world, even if it's just a meal on his other self's dime.

He tugs Risu in, ruffling his hair and cackling, before ordering as much pasta as they can stomach. Literally. Risu pukes in the alleyway outside when they stumble out together, and he didn't even finish his third glass of wine. Aikawa stifles his laughter and brushes his hair back, rubbing up and down between his shoulderblades as he heaves over the edge of the dumpster.

"'M sorry." Risu mumbles into his shoulder as he carries his weight back. "I ruined our date."

The twisting in his stomach nearly makes him turn and vomit up its contents as well, but he manages to keep them moving towards Risu's apartment. "Don't worry about it, partner." The word is still unfamiliar on his tongue, but he likes the taste, and wants to use it more often.

* * *

The first time Kaiman takes Risu on a date, he doesn't even know it. 

Risu mentions offhand that he misses some place in the magician’s realm, and Kaiman thinks that he’s very sneaky by looking into it on his own, without telling him. He scouts around alone, checks out the menu and prices, and even checks with Nikaido to make sure that eating somewhere else wouldn’t count as cheating. She says it's fine, she's even interested in sending him to scout out the competition, until he says they don’t serve gyoza. Then she couldn’t seem to care less.

He sneaks the two of them through Kawajiri’s door, a special favor demanded in private. It’d cost him two steaks and a great deal of his dignity. Risu’s face when he sees the restaurant’s awning and realizes where they’re going is worth it, he decides. The ravioli isn't half bad either.

So, he does again. Rarely to that same place (it’s pricey even by sorcerers’ standards), but they find other restaurants around Hole to dine where the chef doesn’t tease them and Kaiman isn’t jumping up instinctively to wipe down any recently vacated tables. They become regulars at the places with bad lighting and booths, and he’s thankful every time he takes his mask off that the former is practically standard in Hole.

It’s after a few weeks of this that Kaiman finds out exactly what he’s been doing.

"Hey, Nikaido! I need Thursday off! I mean, uh, can I get Thursday off?"

"Of course! Don't worry, Kaiman, I know by now." She barely turns over her shoulder to shoot him a grin, her attention on the food in front of her. "I don't schedule you for Thursdays anymore. I know better than to interrupt your dates!"

He stares at her for a long moment, the only sound the sizzling oil. "My huh?" 

Ten minutes of hollering later, he's sitting at an empty table, cradling his head in his hands while she stares at him incredulously.

"What did you think they were!" Nikaido waves the spatula around, giving him the look that means she wants to hit him with it but won't for the sake of her own food safety integrity, and not any kindness towards him. Kaiman still flinches instinctively at the sharp flicker of reflected light in the corner of his vision, because it could _always_ be a knife.

"I dunno! Just friends hanging out?"

Crossing her arms, Nikaido stares down at him. "Just friends? _Just_ hanging out?"

"Yeah, of course! We get some food, a few beers, go back to my place to pass out. Sometimes we--" Sometimes Risu sits very, very close, and sometimes he also kisses him. Kaiman stares at the ceiling for a long moment, before he blinks and grasps his temples again. "Oooooh. Oh shit. I've been leading him on."

"Yeeaaah. I don't know about that much, but... Sounded more like making out than hanging out."

"Nikaidoooooooooooo!" His chin drops against the table with a thump. “It didn’t seem like a big deal! He used to do that all the time!” With Aikawa, though. And he's only realizing that now. Without even noticing it, Kaiman had been falling back into habits he thought he’d forgotten about. Habits he shouldn't even have known in the first place before he could forget them. "It was just what hanging out meant, sometimes!"

From the look on her face, Nikaido is following his train of thought, carefully not interrupting. She's also trying and failing to not smile down at him. "Sometimes. You mean before, right?"

Kaiman just nods miserably and looks down again, fixating on the speckled pattern of the plastic laminate table. "... Yeah. Before." Except that he knows that for most people that would be code for something else, something at least a _little_ easier. Something like moving away, or a breakup, or something at least less complicated than _before I existed, thanks in part to him_.

* * *

As though things were ever _not_ complicated, with them.

Aikawa tries, over and over again, to make Risu leave the Crosseyes. He even tries the whole _talking it out_ thing at first, as alien as that feels. When that doesn't work, he falls back quickly on his old standard, threats. Towards the other gang members, and towards Risu himself. With the latter, he's always shrugged off, postponed to be dealt with later. They argue about it more than anything else, which is saying something.

Once Risu tells him about his magic, it all becomes a lot more urgent. 

He knows, and therefore _it_ knows. Whatever, or whoever, is lurking inside of him has gotten a sniff of the information and will tuck it away until it, or he, needs to use that. He _knows_ and he's going to use it, because that's how this works. It's a two way street. So he knows that he's going to take the only thing that Aikawa has, the only thing that makes him different and separate, the thing that matters most, and it won't even be _because_ it's important to him. It won't even be to spite him or keep him in line. It'll just be because what matters to him happens to be in the way, a convenient target with a convenient reward for its destruction.

He slings Risu against the wall easily, despite his height. "Would you fucking-- take this _seriously?_ " The honed edge of the knife is pointed towards its holder, the dull pressing into Risu's throat.

Risu bares his teeth and puffs up like a wild animal, bringing his knee up suddenly to jam it into Aikawa's crotch. While he steps back and catches his breath, Risu aims a punch at his stomach, and a few others go wild towards his shoulders or arms.

It doesn't do much. The knife falls to the floor at least, clattering away when Aikawa's heel bumps against the hilt, sending it spinning. Fine. He doesn't really need it. Since apparently they're doing this for real, he hisses low and lunges for Risu's shoulders, throwing him onto the floor and following to pin him with his weight.

Risu snarls and claws upwards at him. "What the hell are you trying to prove!"

"That you're being stupid. You're gonna get in trouble." Aikawa holds him down with all of his weight, pinning his collarbone. Even with Risu clawing up at him, it feels like holding prey down. Like holding a squirrel to the ground. If this is how he defends himself, it’s a damn good thing Aikawa has been trailing him on deliveries. "You're gonna get yourself killed."

"So what!" Risu hisses back, still struggling against him.

That, finally, makes Aikawa yell back at him. "So maybe I don’t want you to die, asshole!"

"Why’s it your business!"

Aikawa deflates, resting his head against Risu’s chest. He manages not to let out a noise when Risu takes advantage and rolls them over so that his weight is pinning Aikawa instead, flipping them.

His eyes still at least partially hidden by glass and his voice fuzzy, Aikawa allows himself a moment of weakness. "Because we're partners, dumbass."

That, at least, finally seems to get through to Risu, making him pause. But then he's sneering again, sitting back on his heels, straddling Aikawa's chest. "Partners, sure. But you’re not my mommy, so don’t act like it." Rolling his eyes at him, Aikawa shifts to try and shove him off, before the back of his head slams into the floor. Without blinking, Risu grabs the end of a spike, pulling it from his chest pocket to point it at the hollow of Aikawa's throat. The tip is barely scraping the skin just above his shirt.

They stay like that for a long moment, Risu's hand above the flattened end like the hammer about to drive a nail into a doll.

"See? I can defend myself. And if I need to, I will." He says it without wavering, and for a second, Aikawa almost believes him.

Instead of acknowledging that, it’s easier for Aikawa to just sigh and crack a grin at him, comfortable smiling while it's invisible. "Weird way to flirt, Risu."

It always works. "Eugh!" He's so easily thrown offbalance. The stake above his neck wobbles before it’s tucked back into the pocket over Risu’s heart. "Jackass. You started it!" 

"Yeah, yeah. I get it." Aikawa just sighs and laces his hands together behind his skull, propping it up off of the floor. "We'll probably kill each other one of these days, or something."

If he'd known how true it would end up being, would he still have said it? Probably. He'd been like that, back then. Or at least, _somebody_ had.

* * *

They're up to that part they keep getting stuck at, where they're making out -- sort of, Risu does most of the kissing, but one thing that hasn't changed is that he's still handsy as hell -- and then Kaiman gets flustered and has to find some excuse to disengage. 

"At least it's not migraines anymore." Risu mumbles as Kaiman pulls his hoodie back on.

His head whips around to glare at him, offended, but that just lets him see that Risu is pouting more than the anticipated scowling. Sighing through his nose, Kaiman zips the sweatshirt back up and tries not to snarl back. "Look, do you even want to... Do this shit? With me? I can't even kiss you during." And _yes_ , he knows that his teeth limit their options in other ways. 

But Risu rolls his eyes so hard it looks like they're going to fall out of his skull, which wasn't exactly the reaction Kaiman was expecting. "Dumbass. I've been trying to give you a hickey for like, half an hour now, you think I don't have anything better to do?"

"See! You said _trying!_ "

Another, only slightly milder eyeroll. "Yeah, I like a challenge. You should know that by now. I thought you were liking it too!"

"Well, yeah, sure. I was. But... It's already really complicated with us, I dunno if I wanna make that worse." Kaiman folds his arms and lets out a huff, suddenly unable to look at him directly, he tries to mutter as fast as possible. "Plus, I haven't, you know." From the way Risu is staring, he does not in fact, know. "... Done it with a guy. Before."

Definitely the wrong ending to that sentence. The space where Risu would have eyebrows twitches, and his shoulders rise along with his voice. "Don't be stupid! You told me you remember! So you gotta remember we--" Risu snaps his jaw shut, turning away from him to run a palm down his face.

Something about the curve of his spine ignites exactly the right spark along his neural paths, and Kaiman gulps around the lump in his throat.

He can remember the smell and taste of the back of Risu's neck, damp with sweat and his own breath. He knows the smell because his nose is pressed right against his skin. He knows the taste because his tongue keeps darting out to lathe over the ridges of his backbone.

"Aah, Aikawa--"

His fingers are uncharacteristicallty, almost impossibly gentle as he drags them along Risu's jaw and down his throat, finally stopping to rest splayed over the left side of his chest. "I've got you." His other hand crawls around his other side, feeling along wiry muscles before reaching and wrapping around his cock. Pressed down beneath him, knees held and pinned tight between his own, Risu holds up both of their weight on shaking elbows.

Kaiman looks away, trying to pretend he’s not seeing the man in front of him naked behind his eyelids. "I remember! Sorta!"

"Then don’t go asking me!" Risu is bright red, and for an instant Kaiman is terrified that he can somehow see inside of his head, is reacting to what he’s thinking about. But then, despite the blush that usually signals an incoming shout, he’s sliding a leg over Kaiman’s thighs to ease onto his lap. "... Idiot. I can just show you."

"... Alright. Cool." Kaiman is not shy. He is huge and strong and and dangerous, a nightmare to all sorcerers. He has saved both realms, probably more than once if he stops and thinks about it for a bit. He is awesome and sexy and very cool all of the time, even right now. _Especially_ right now.

"Cool?" Risu prompts him, as he eases him back down onto the bed, his cheeks still flushed. But he seems to know what he's doing, settling against Kaiman's body like a familiar blanket. He pushes one knee between Kaiman's own and presses his hands flat on his chest as his mouth returns to the scaley spot he'd been kissing and sucking at for ages. Maybe it actually _did_ do something, regardless of the lack of bruising, because it feels tender under the keratin. 

Moving to kiss down along his collarbone, Risu slows down and glances up at him. "... Co--"

" _Yes!_ Cool!" He has to say it around a groan, his hips jerking forward to rut against Risu's thigh. Kaiman splays a hand against his lower back to keep his hips close as well. He can feel Risu's dick pinned between them, hard against his stomach. "Shit. What exactly am I supposed to do here?"

"Just what you're doing, for now. And maybe relax." Risu is pushing his own weight up, hovering above Kaiman instead of being plastered down on him, and a nearly inaudible whimper escapes between scaled lips at the sudden distance. But it turns out to be to unzip his hoodie again, shove his shirt up, fiddle with the hem of his jeans. And he can't complain about that.

Risu's hands are hot on his skin, pawing at his chest while Kaiman vamps up along his leg. His knee is planted on the mattress but he keeps shifting to grind his thigh against his cock through the layers of denim. After what feels like years, Kaiman growls low in his throat and hooks his thumbs under his waistband, yanking his pants down. "Help me get these off."

"You're getting the idea." Risu mutters through a smirk, leaning back just enough to split and peel his own coveralls off. Then it's just thin cotton between them, and then not even that; just the heat of blood flushed right beneath skin.

Kaiman rolls them over, his snout pressed into the crook of Risu's neck, muffling his moan.

"Ach, hang on, hang on," Risu pushes him up and off of him, just enough to flip onto his stomach. "So, it coming back to you yet?"

"Risu," He mumbles it mindlessly against his ear, opening his jaws to scrape his teeth gently along the shell of it. It earns him a shiver from head to toe and Risu's ass pressed back against his hips.

"Fuck, hang on, I gotta--" Shoulders rolling beneath Kaiman, he tries to move and stretch for the bedside table, the one that Aikawa used to bump his head against when he slept on the futon. When Risu can't quite make it, he groans and just returns to grinding back against Kaiman. "Shit. Can you? Second drawer."

Baffled and half brainless, Kaiman grunts and stretches to tug the drawer open, feeling around inside.

"Little bottle." Risu clarifies, his voice strained.

Oh. _Oh._ Kaiman's fingertips find glass, a little smaller than a smoke bottle, and he pulls it into his view with a noise that he doesn't have a word for. Something between a gulp and a whine.

"Come on. You gotta at least know what that's for." Risu's words are muffled against the pillow as his hips bump up again, and Kaiman chokes up another sound he's not used to hearing from himself. He manages to get the cork out without spilling the liquid contents everywhere, just enough into his palm to stroke over his shaft.

"Shhhiiiiit, Risu." There's some awkward shuffling as Risu tucks both of his legs between Kaiman's, glancing at him over his shoulder for one brief instant. If only from the recent recollections, Kaiman knows how it goes from here. He slots his cock between Risu's legs, slipping to shunt forward along his taint until they're pressed together, from hip to shoulder.

Unable to help himself, unable to kiss him instead, Kaiman licks along the side of Risu's neck. He'll just have to understand and translate that it's the closest he can manage right now. For the first time, Kaiman thinks he might understand the phrase 'lizard brain' as more than just an insult; his baser instincts taking over and making his body move before his sentience can have a say in the matter. His hips want to be thrusting between his partner's thighs, so that's what's going to happen.

Risu curls his spine to be able to reach between both of their legs, stroking himself on the way and spreading his knees just enough for access, before he wraps his fingers around Kaiman's dick. "See? I got you."

And he does, until Kaiman shakes and twitches and splatters on the sheets beneath them, only then letting go and grabbing his own cock. It only takes two or three pulls before he cums too, on exactly the same spot on the mattress.

* * *

There's something shifted between them; maybe it's that Risu is getting used to his face. Or maybe it's that Kaiman is starting to believe him when he says that he already is. 

He can tell that Nikaido and Kawajiri want to ask about it. They don't, thankfully, and he occupies himself around the Bug in the usual ways when it's not Thursday. But date nights have been getting a little fewer and further between.

Risu's training is going well. Very well. Maybe a little... _Too_ well? 

Kawajiri would say that there's no such thing, if he brought it up. So he doesn't. And Risu keeps clanking through the door that Kawajiri pulls strings to open for them ("Oh, devils are all about loopholes, and it’s not against the rules to get have somebody else use magic for you!"), pushing his visor up to pop dumplings through the gap.

Maybe this is how Risu felt, only getting to see his face on special occasions. Kaiman finds himself staring, tilting when he has to in order to catch glimpses of his face, even still framed by steel.

But that's not what sets him offbalance. Not that, or Risu talking about hauling bats around like the sacks of vegetables for the Bug. Not even going without seeing his face for this long when Risu had never had a mask.

It's the hovering threat that Risu is going to _go away_ , be taken from him in a way that he can't do anything about.

"I'm only telling you, okay?" Kaiman remembers the inflection and the cadence of the way he said it perfectly, because he still hears it in his nightmares.

Risu has done this before. Made a decision that led to him leaving. No, wait, that's not fair. Somebody else made that decision for both of them. But it still meant that Risu was gone, and he didn't come back.

It takes Nikaido pointing out that he did, in fact, come back from that, for Kaiman to relax.

"Besides, he's always talking about how as soon as he passes the exam, he'll just come right back to Hole." She doesn’t even look up from scrubbing the sink. The few hours when they're closed is the only time she has to even try and catch up on the cleaning.

"Huh. I guess so..." Scratching his chin, Kaiman only has one hand on the broom, and so drops it when he jolts. "Wait! What do you mean, _always?_ "

Nikaido finally raises her head, only to give him a look that he can't quite decipher. "You know that we talk when you're not around, right?"

"What!" He probably should have, but he hadn’t thought about it before. He was always with either Risu or Nikaido, so when would they be without him? But she's still giving him that look. "I mean, of course you do. That totally makes sense. But what about!"

"I don't know, lots of things? The food, the delivery guys-- Oh! Did you know that King's gonna have a baby?"

"Forget about that!" He didn't, and he'll have to congratulate him next time he helps unload the sacks of flour. But right now he has higher priorities! Kaiman points at himself, his face scrunched up. "Do you talk about me?"

She just shrugs. "Sometimes, sure!"

"Guh! What? What does he say!" A bolt of panic goes through him. What have they told each other? About the stolen hams? The cold blooded murder? The sappy shit he says when he hasn't fully woken up and his snout is pressed against a neck? _His Pieman disguise?_

"Most of the time it's because he's worried or something, you know? We're not just gossiping about you!" He _does_ note the word 'just' in that sentence as she pauses and folds the filthy rag over the rim of the sink, before rinsing her hands off. "Well, and he _did_ ask me -- really politely, for him! -- not to schedule you on Thursday nights."

* * *

In the midst of Kaiman mumbling his name like a chant, Risu suddenly gags, pulling off of his cock and pressing his head to the mattress to support him while he coughs and splutters.

Panicked, Kaiman stifles the urge to grab for him, in case that makes it worse. "Shit! Risu, you okay? Did I go too hard or something?"

When Risu lifts himself back up, Kaiman can only stare as the hacking turns into cackling. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I just-- I just thought of something. Something really funny."

More staring, and a "What the hell, man!" when Kaiman whaps the side of his head lightly as he frowns. "What the hell knock knock jokes are you thinking of when we bang!"

Risu just grins up at him, the outer spokes of the crosses around his eyes pinched with genuine amusement, resting his cheek against the inside of his knee.   
"What did the man in my mouth say?"

Kaiman stares, his brain trying to process what his ears just heard. " _What?_ "

"Well," Risu still keeps laughing between his words, "I guess he said 'what'."

Kaiman kicks him out of the bedroom, but joins him in the shower not five minutes later.

* * *

What we learned this time!

1\. Thursday is date night.  
2\. The man in the mouth is... Whoever wants to be, that night.  
3\. Kaiman and Risu have a weird friendship.


End file.
